Essay #1

"Fabulous Francis" - Column heading

"On Being Fabulous" - Title of this issue's essay

By Francis Sisco

Copyright 2009 F. Sisco

Word count - 721

When two people called me "Fabulous Francis" at a recent dinner party, I had to do everything I could to keep my feet on the ground and keep my smile from touching each ear.   It was working!   My decision to be more out-there as a fun-loving female was getting noticed.   Was it the way I sort of curtseyed in my new adorable short aqua flapper-type dress while presenting my guests with a delectable crabmeat appetizer topped with a tangy sauce?   Or was it the cheerfulness in my voice as I asked guests engaging questions and truly listened to what they had to say and understood their feelings?   Maybe they used the term "fabulous" because my new persona was indeed incredible and different than the person they usually see. Whatever it was, it felt outstanding to be called fabulous, and since that evening I've been making a point of living my life in the fabulous lane.   Not only has the feedback from others been amazing but also my inner being seems to be blossoming again, feeling like I felt in my twenties.   The dictionary says "fabulous" is being exceptionally good, superb, and almost impossible to believe.   What a way to live!

In writing this periodic column, I will share with you some of my experiences that are helping me transform my life into one I'm very eager to wake to each morning and stay up with late each night.   If you write to me about what you do in your life to make it fabulous for you, I'll include the tips in my column.   In this magazine, there are many products and services that will help you to make you and your world more fabulous.   Not just fashion, food and festivities but also ways to be smarter, enjoy life more, stretch your dollars, and simplify.   Once you commit to be fabulous, you'll find you will see ways all around you, beckoning for you to grab them.   For now, here is a type of desiderata (remember?   Go placidly amid the noise and haste. ....) of pointers on being fabulous.   Sort of an acronym for ways to help achieve a fabulous state.

F - Free the force within you. Recognize your own powers and let them rip.   Access the force through prayer, meditation, hang-gliding, dancing salsa, reading a mystery, hitting a golf ball, writing a song or whatever makes you enter your own zone of flow.   Sometimes it's as simple as more eyeliner, new hairstyle and a cute outfit.   Other times it's showing more unconditional love in complicated strained relationships.

A - Accentuate your abilities. Take stock, sharpen your best tools and focus your energies on helping others, using the essence of whom you are.

B - Beautify your being. It is important to enhance your appearance, but don't stop there.   Beauty and truth are bedfellows and you should put as much energy on your inner self's truths as your outer showcase.

U -   Understand the unacceptable.   Take down the walls you may have erected to keep out the strange and different from entering your life.   You can learn from lifestyles opposite to yours.

L - Love, love, love.    To be fabulous involves expressing love all over the place.   Be head over heels with not only your partner, children, friends and family but also the tree in your front yard and the boiler in your basement.   Once you start loving everything and appreciating its meaning and belonging, you will find it difficult to be unfair, or prejudiced, or dishonest.

O - Open up to others so that you can allow everyone to share in each other's magic of being human and spiritual at the same time.  

U - Uncover unrealities and explore them with zest because it is in our dreams and fantasies that we find our concrete core.

S - See the spiritual side of many if not most of your activities.   The more you look, the more signs you will see along your path guiding you to the force within you and enveloping those around you.  

Enjoy being fabulous!   And please write to me about it.

____________________

Fabulous Francis is a writer, observer of trends and agent of change.    Contact Francis by email at: FrancisSisco@aol.com and please indicate whether you permit your experiences and opinions to be included in future essays.

Essay #2

"Fabulous Francis" - Column heading

"Bursts of Being Fabulous" - Title of this issue's essay

By Francis Sisco

Copyright 2009 F. Sisco

Word count - ____

This article was published in the "Fabulous and Frugal Magazine" in the Holiday Issue - 2009/2010"

The dictionary states that "fabulous" is being exceptionally good, superb and almost impossible to believe." If you missed my last column, please email me to get the full "desiderata," keyed to each letter of "fabulous that is summarized in the next paragraph. Several of you emailed me your thoughts, including a yoga teacher named Nancy and Amy who described why the town of Dobbs Ferry is so fabulous. Amy sees God in many of the residents and says that they "radiate a particular beauty that is unmatched." Mary wrote me about the importance of balance and raved about her acupuncturist, Karen, who helps to develop her spiritual signs and to notice signs.

As a reminder of the Fabulous "desiderata," here's a snapshot:
F - Free the force within you.
A - Accentuate your abilities.
B - Beautify your being.
U - Understand the unacceptable.
L - Love, love, love.
O - Open up to others.
U - Uncover unrealities.
S - See the spiritual side of many
of your activities and appreciate the signs.

Keeping with my promise of relating to you recent experiences that help me to live a fabulous (and yet frugal) life, here are three events in the last several weeks. Each example reinforced my belief that the state of being fabulous is nourished by "bursts." A burst is a positive breakout of the usual action - an activity that stands out and furthers the process of becoming truly fabulous. Bursts help propel us to our next level, and help to sustain the trajectory to overcome setbacks. In their explosions, bursts spread excitement and love to others. Try to place yourself in situations that can give way to bursts.

Burst #1 - Reunion:
The first example event was luncheon party of about 30 high school alumni, some whom I had not seen in over 20 years. I decided to wear a sharp-looking snug satin black and white dress, rather than the expected pants and jacket. Running twenty minutes late, when I arrived most people were standing with drinks in hand, chatting and smiling. As I walked over to my old buddy Lou, he greeted me with a huge grin and a warm hug. As I turned to answer another friend's question, a female friend Susie, who did not recognize me, walked over to Lou and whispered something in his ear. Later, Lou told me she asked him, "Who is that young woman?" thinking that I may be the young wife of one of the guys. We all got a big kick out of that. The knockout dress costs less than $40 on sale at The Dress Barn. The luncheon was under $30. The memories worth a million. This burst led to getting together with several of my old friends in the following weeks, bringing ourselves up to date on the new people we've become and the core spirits we still cherish.

Burst #2 - Internet television show:
My second burst involved appearing on an internet television show called Zedalza.net, hosted by Anthony and Pam. They interviewed me about what led to my fabulous state and the reactions of my family members. Pam, a writer herself, even quoted from my prior Fabulous and Frugal article. Several people called the show, and over 3,300 watched! Several remarked about the cute raspberry sweater with fur color that my friend Matina had given to me. I felt like a celebrity, sharing portions of my life that others find intriguing. I think many of us get so caught up in our everyday miscellaneous mundane meanderings that we don't get to step back and take notice of our achievements and personal progress. Bursts help us to see our true selves better. If you are interested in watching the interview, please email me and I'll give you the link to the video clip on www.VideoVoom.com.

Burst #3 - Black-tie dinner:
The third example illustrates that to experience a burst of being fabulous requires not much more than saying yes, being open to possibility, and perhaps a bit of hutzpa. I enthusiastically accepted an invitation to attend a free black tie dinner engagement at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in Manhattan. On that Saturday night in February, I was truly feeling fabulous on the outside, in a full-length purple gown with velvet black bolero jacket, both borrowed from my friend Karen, and a fur jacket bought at H&M last month in a fit of indulgence, but just $39.99. I topped the look with sparkly matching earrings and necklace and a string of pearls inherited from my grandmother. During the evening, five strangers came up to me, smiled and said, "You look fabulous!" almost as if scripted by this magazine's publisher. Flying! And I was feeling fabulous on the inside too, not only from feeling youthful and vibrant but also that I came to see and better understand the other very different side of me from long ago, who worked hard and also played too hard at times. That burst was fed by another burst.

Three days earlier, at about noon, I heard my front doorbell chimes at home. I was on a business conference call that I had to finish, and with the speakerphone on, I ran from my home office to the front door. Opening the door, I saw my good friend Karen, grinning and carrying a bundle of clothes - the gowns she was bringing me to try on. I asked her to wait in the living room for the next five minutes while I finished the phone meeting. When I went out of my office, it was as if I entered a fancy boudoir. Eight gowns, of various styles and colors, were hanging in the dining room and living room from the curtain rods of the windows and the sliding door and from the entertainment center bookcases. My heart was racing! A burst of excitement! Not only from the realization that I was gong to be Fabulous Francis at my first real gala event that coming Saturday, but also being the recipient of such a generous favor from a special friend. For an hour, we had exhilarating "girl fun" as I slipped into one gown while taking off the other and handing it to Karen, both of us discussing color, fit, and style. The type of fun that's simple and free, and a harbinger of exponential personal growth as a new person. Then Saturday night came. With too much work to do during the day, right up until 6 pm, I was not able to plan getting ready for evening. Before I knew it I was out of the shower, quickly putting on my make-up at my vanity table, fielding incoming calls, and getting a bit stressed. Then as soon as I put the purple gown over my head, slipped into my heels and turned to the mirror, I became quite relaxed and in control. Paul, who invited me to the ball, called to fill me in on who would be at our corporation's table of ten special guests among 800 guests for the annual event of the prestigious Human Rights Campaign. I smiled about another special friend looking out for me. A burst of being liked.

A quick drive to Manhattan, a fast parking spot, and just a few minutes late, I entered the black-tie throng in the silent auction room. I was relaxed and confident, and with my own self-initiated buzz. Much more in control since not drinking alcohol at all. I complimented Vincent on his colorful bow tie, later to see him seated at our table. I turned around and my corporate friend Laurel was next to me, and Governor David Paterson a few feet away. I gathered us together, asked one of his aides to snap a photo. I even told the Governor about my friend who has the same name but with a double T and since the Governor's election my 5'2" friend has been billing himself as "The L'il Governor" at jazz events at which he sings. The Governor said laughing, "I want to meet him! Please tell David" and I did. What fun to pass around my iphone later on at the dinner table. I was becoming again the very full-of-life fun-loving person I was in my twenties and thirties.

Then, squished in the middle of the hundreds of decked-out people, we all funneled into the Grand Ballroom. As we entered the gorgeous grand room, I got chills up and down my spine as I was struck by the memory of being in the same room at least 25 years ago, as a Price Waterhouse alumnus, for dinner. Back then, I returned to the Waldorf-Astoria in the early hours of the morning after missing the last train from Grand Central. When I was younger, as many of us, I sometimes drank too much. Back then in that room when I returned, I played at a white piano on the stage as a maintenance man swept a broom around me, until 5 am, like in a movie scene. Then, still not sober, I went to my office and fell asleep on the floor, burning my back on the hot radiator. How crazy and irresponsible back then. Now, so completely different. I am now high on life not alcohol and much more in control, thanks in part to an event leading me to face my life issues and how I was dealing with them. More in a future column.

The presentations in the Grand Ballroom were superb with Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, Senator Charles Schumer, Sarah Jessica Parker, Bebe Neuwirth, and the transgender performer Peppermint who moderated magnificently the live auction.

I joined several people from my table at the after-hours party on the 18th floor in the Starlight Room. As I entered the room, I felt the same spine vibrations. The same room I was also in for cocktails with Price Waterhouse alumni twenty-five years ago! As I walked around in my beautiful gown, borrowed from Karen (talk about frugal!), I felt so different from the young CPA I was then. As I danced with a friend while Peppermint performed several upbeat songs from her new CD, I glanced at the group of young men next to me. They were ribbing each other, and a bit loud. My eyes connected with a guy, about 30, who reminded me of myself back then (similar height, same short thick wavy hair, comparable smile). As I saw him carry on with his friends, and with me, I felt as if I was watching myself in my own past. Very eerie, yet satisfying at the same time. I reflected on how life takes amazing turns, with signs along the way giving us the guidance to continue on the path or embark on a new one. Standing on line at the coat-check for my fur jacket when leaving, I talked with Eric, in his late thirties, about the fun evening. When he gave me his card, I was surprised to see he was employed by my ex-employer Price Waterhouse. Coincidence?

Despite getting to bed after 2am, I made it on time to my church's 9:30 a.m. mass, not even tired. I sat next to a woman I met at a joint event of two non-profit organizations (OutProfessionals and The Loft), the previous week. Joyce confided that she saw my first essay in "Fabulous and Frugal" and felt comfortable enough to share that she was unsatisfied with her current churches and would give mine a try. After service, I attended the coffee hour with her and was elected a vestry member. Another burst, more feelings of belonging to yet another important community. Fabulous!

Another connecting event happened two days later while reading poetry as a volunteer to a group of nursing home residents in Rye. As I asked the names of residents, aides and guests, the man immediately to my left happened to be the father of one of the guys I was kidding with in the scene 25 years ago in the Waldorf's Starlight Room. You know you are onto something when several ah-ha moments happen often in a short span of time.

The message? After committing to becoming fabulous, set up bursts in your life to help you achieve the fabulous state. Get invited to an event outside of your usual activities. Dress up special, ideally with the clothes of friends. See how the present and past are closely connected, and uncover the deeper spiritual meaning. Let each burst heighten your being fabulous and help to spread love to others around you. Be happy!

____________________

Fabulous Francis is a writer, observer of trends and agent of change. Contact Francis by email at: FrancisSisco@aol.com and please indicate whether you permit your experiences and opinions to be included in future essays.

Essay #3

"In Transition" - Column heading (Column yet to be published)

"In Transition - The Larger Context " - Title of this issue's essay

By Francis Sisco

Copyright 2010 F. Sisco

Word count - 1,161

Several weeks ago, my friend David who is the executive director of an LGBT organization said he would publish in his center's newsletter my essays about transitioning from male to female.   I was excited about chronicling my changing from Frank, an aging male who is left-brained over-analytical, often too assertive and competitive and wants to compartmentalize and control life to Francis, a younger female whose sensitive and caring nature helps me to listen and get along better and whose right-brain attitude keeps me in the present, energized with a high dose of creativity and zest for life's diversity and surprises.   Surely I could tell about my adventures getting accustomed to living as a girl, including the funny and exhilarating moments and also the emotionally jarring situations with loved ones who are faced with me in a new persona, with a restructuring of my usual roles.   Husband?   Father?   Best friend?   But something was missing.   I write best when I'm in a state of flow, inspired by something that stirs my soul, gives me goose-bumps, makes me smile.   Finally it happened.   Yesterday, today and tonight.   Four bursts of soul-stirring within a twenty-four-hour period.  

The first burst came on Sunday morning as I stood in front of a church congregation, as Francis, reading from the Old Testament.   Accepted for who I am, who I am becoming.   All the church members for over a year have been relating to me as a woman, facilitating my transition.   Were they so accepting because they too were in transition of one sort or another?   New job, different business, changes in key relationships.   My transition on the surface seems major but perhaps is minor compared to what others are going through. I must remember it's really not about me.   I must listen to what they say about their lives.

Two hours later I received as my second burst a generous gift from my wife, who usually shies away from being around me when I'm dressed as a female.   However, this time she acquiesced to my request for feedback on which of my outfits to wear in job interviews.   Like a dream come true, I put on a dress, and in full makeup, wig and heels, I then sauntered into her bedroom for the critique.   After receiving her input, I'd leave her room, change in mine, and then enter her room again, this time with a fancier dress, or a skirt and blouse, then a different blouse, and on and on.   She offered, "Yes, that looks fine," or "I don't think it's businesslike enough." or "That looks very good, but you may draw too much attention."    To me, her comments were a recognition of me being a woman, and trying to be the best one I could be.   Perhaps no time in our long marriage had she told me anything that more enhanced my self-esteem or made me feel more complete, as during those 45 minutes.   Yet as gratifying as it was for me, I recognize it was difficult for her, almost like a zero sum game. For every step gained by Francis is lost by Frank. In transition, she's losing the me she's known for many years, and I need to appreciate her feelings and her dilemma.   In your transition, who is a participant in your zero sum game?

The third burst came on Monday morning as I sat in the stately conference room of a personnel placement firm, waiting for Dana, the search consultant, to come in to interview me for 30 minutes.   After filling out the registration form, I glanced down at my crossed legs, first at my bare knees, then my dress 4 inches higher.   My eyes moved down my tan legs to my open-toed high heels and toes painted pink. I smiled to myself that my transitioning into Francis, my female persona, is finally flowering.   I'm really living in the world as a girl, my lifelong ambition.   In my financial advisory business, I will continue serving my clients, hopefully with more clients now as Francis instead of as Frank, often in evening meetings and on weekends.   In addition, I hope to become an executive assistant in the financial services industry, in the mode of a traditional female, typing included.   I so yearn to explore my feminine side that I am willing to trade off several higher-paying hours as Frank for lower-paying hours as Francis.   Eventually, I believe as Francis I will advance with much more financial success that I ever attained as Frank because I will be in closer sync with my soul, closer to who I really am, and I will function at a much higher vibration.   And so as Dana and I talked about specific work goals and life in general, I turned philosophical at times but refreshingly succinct about what I want from a job.   I heard myself talking about serving others, helping in a team, being as altruistic as possible.   Less focused on myself and more on others.   When I returned home, in the middle of doing analytical work for clients, I stopped and mused about the morning with Dana.   I then got up from my chair, went into my other office and looked above the door up at the dramatic print of Jesus I bought last week at the church auction with my daughter, Kelly.   I exclaimed aloud to the print, "Thank you, Lord!"   Transitions don't happen in vacuums.   They are assisted by other people, and perhaps even by the divine.

The fourth burst of inspiration about transitioning came that evening in a song from the adjacent living room.   Kelly was playing piano for the song "Prayer of St. Francis," with Scott, her piano instructor, listening and providing chords for the sheet music.   The lyrics starting streaming in my mind:   "Make me a channel of your peace, where there is hatred let me bring your love," and later in the refrain, "O, Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love, with all my soul."   As the song shook me, I went into the living room and stood behind Kelly as she played.   Without seeing me, she said, "Dad, you are crying. It's okay." The words of this song is the message for me to appreciate about my transition from Frank to Francis.   It's not about me receiving but rather about me giving.   It's about everyone else whom I can try to understand, whom I can try to help, whom I can love.   My transition, I pray, will empower me to focus more on the transitions other people are experiencing and how my enhanced understanding and heightened sensitivity, now as Francis, can perhaps help them.   My transition may in fact be my calling.   Time will tell.   Perhaps, your transition is your calling, too.  

Please email me your thoughts at FrancisSisco@aol.com so they can be shared with the readers.