Videoclip #3 shows Kelly on 9/12/07 applying for a job at Lord & Taylor, taking a trip to Sahaja Yoga meditation in Riverdale (Bronx), NY (Song playing in background is "Love me when I'm gone," "You got to give me everything," Mariah Carey "Dream Lover"
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Videoclip #4 on 9/15/07 showing more clean-up and organizing stuff in Kelly's apartment, and showing Kelly's long nails (regrown from the very short nails of a couple of months ago), Kelly summarizing at the end, outside her apartment. |
Written by:
Frank Sisco, 30 Mill Road, New Rochelle, NY 10804
Home office - 914.740.4422, Cell - 914.740.4422; Email – ideasmoney@aol.com
www.LifeAndMoney.com
Copyright 2007 Frank Sisco
Life and Money - "Uncollecting"
By Frank Sisco, CPA, PFS
(Word count = 1,069 words plus 61 words for About the Author)
I held up the thick black plastic trash bag as my 23-year-old daughter Kelly dumped empty bottles after empty cans from her arms. I watched her as she walked gingerly around the books, vases and other collections that were on her apartment's wooden floors, as the many shelves and bookcases were already filled with stuff. She arrived at her small table and picked up seven or eight more empty bottles and cans and made her way back to me holding the trash bag at the other end of the main living area of her large one-bedroom apartment, that in four months has become brimming with a greater number of assorted items than found in many Westchester home-decorating and gift stores. Kelly's collections are cyclical, as they are for most people who have a passion to collect things. They've run the gambit from Absolut Vodka print ads, Beanie Babies, thousands of magazines and hard-cover books, pocketbooks, shoes, clothes of all varieties, jewelry, and most recently discarded empty bottles and cans made out of glass or plastic. Over 400 of them!
Many of us have hobbies that result in possessing several items in a particular category, and usually we incorporate them into our lives. We all have stuff, without too dramatic an effect. But for some people, the collections can become obsessive and/or compulsive. The collections can encroach on many aspects of a person's life, and even cause major rifts in relationships. Kelly and her mother, Lorrie, are in the middle of a major rift right now, with Lorrie seeing Kelly's "over-collecting" as anti-productive and standing in the way of becoming a responsible independent adult. Kelly views her collecting as a necessary self-expression, and perhaps a way to demonstrate independence. But that's only part of it. Why would Kelly collect empty discarded bottles and cans? Does it represent to her a rescue of something that is unloved and discarded? The book "Buried in Treasures" is an excellent guidebook on the many causes of OCD-type collecting and the possible behavioral changes and solutions. Why would Lorrie jeopardize her entire family relationship over a disagreement about obsessions, seemingly making her love conditional on Kelly shucking what Lorrie considers a destructive habit? My own role in the matter is complicated by my own obsessions and compulsions. After all, why do I collect thousands of newspaper articles and categorize them across hundreds of topics. Will I really use these articles in the future? And why do I keep the last 12 issues of scores of magazines? My other obsessions are more difficult to understand.
As the night went on, Kelly took bottle and bottle, can after can, and dumped them into the bags. She commented along the way on what she found interesting about the item, like the colors of Arizona cans, the shapes of Aquafina water bottles, the information inside Snapple caps, the contours of Grey Goose Vodka bottles, the bulk of Poland Spring jugs, the chubbiness of large Heineken cans. She continued to gather up her collection and throw it away into the bags in an effort to make a bold statement so her mother would see how she could change her behavior in an effort to gain back her mother's respect and love. I was moved by Kelly's actions that showed her strength, unselfishness and the depth of her love for Lorrie, in a desperate attempt reconcile. As Kelly did her deed, I videotaped it, and we are giving it to Lorrie as an example of Kelly's commitment to change. (See videoclips on www.VideoVoom.com, under the "Things Category," and then on the "Collections" subcategory.) We carried out of Kelly's apartment four large black plastic trash bags filled with 400 empty bottles and cans she collected over months, during which she painstakingly washed them, positioned them, and admired them as part of a unique collection. I think Kelly accomplished within a few hours a truly amazing expunging of evidence of what possibly could be a detrimental habit of over-collecting. She did it in the name of love and to set out on a new path.
The potentially destructive collections we all have are not as obvious as Kelly's hundreds of empty bottles and cans. And perhaps even more difficult to stop. Often, our collections represent minutes we steal from our lives to carry on activities not as apparently hurtful. For example, I read too much and think too much. Those accumulated "wasted" thoughts are a collection I should put in a bag and toss out. And then I should take the saved time and spend it with loved ones and friends or even with new people. Surely, many of the my readings and thoughts have helped me to form my opinions about life over the years and empower me, but there is a point of diminishing returns, and I'm sure I went way past it. However, now, Kelly's actions have energized within me the possibility of extraordinary experiences that may occur in the new openings that arise from uncollecting.
What do you collect that you may want to consider uncollecting? Do you spend too much money and time on buying beautiful clothes or shoes that go out of fashion in a year or two anyway? Or is it home furnishings, or computer software, or amassing money, or business ideas, or too-frequent travel plans? What would you do with the saved time and money if you uncollected them? If you stopped further collecting? Must you really have the latest movie DVD or music CD? Who would you call and what would you say in the moments of saved time? How would your life change? Do you collect very expensive art? For what purpose? Would you consider uncollecting some of the paintings and contributing the proceeds to a charity you've admired so you can make a positive difference in the lives of others? What are your "empty bottles and cans" and what or whom are they blocking in your life? We should all take a cue from Kelly and be as strong as she in making way for a better future. Stay tuned.
About the author:
Frank Sisco is a CPA and Personal Financial Specialist and writes on topics related to life and money. You can contact Frank by email at ideasmoney@aol.com or by phone at 914.589.1013 in order to express your opinion about this article or to obtain copies of prior articles. He resides in New Rochelle, NY with his wife and daughter.
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